This is my Throwback Thursday.
4 years ago today, this was me.
The light in my soul had been extinguished. 16 days later, I would be in rehab.
I did not care about driving drunk. I did not care if I stole. I did not care about the new kidney my husband had given me 6 months earlier. I did not care about anything or anyone, least of all myself. All I cared about was drugs and alcohol and how to get more.
This woman thought her father died at 38 because he was weak, and not that he suffered from the disease of addiction. Now I understand.
I understand the homeless man under the bridge. I understand the prostitute. I understand the strung-out surgeon. I am them and they are me. I am a drug addict. But I am not my disease.
I never want to forget this woman. She is still inside me. I still think about drinking. I still crave drugs. Some days, her voice is strong. But my god is stronger.
Today is not my birthday. Today is one precious, sober day.
I have 804 days of sobriety. Each day I begin all over again. Each day is a fucking miracle.